Freshly Brewed, No Sugar
by Yumi-chan-likes-chainsaws
Summary: Because from the day they were married, Kyoya's wife never spoke once, not for him, not for anyone. She was dumb, and he was blind. A perfect match. Until he regains sight and realized that he has been played for a fool.  made in celebration of August


_From the people who brought You Pumpkins Make People Crazyyy and the breaking of the fourth wall, here is a new story_

**~Freshly Brewed, No Sugar~**

-x-

Kyoya Ootori could hear the voices of the host club members- whom he was being paid by the parents to befriend their friendless children- discussing his condition. He felt insulted. He wasn't aware he had a condition. In his mind, _they_ were the one's with the condition- stupidity disorder.

"How will we break the news to him when he wakes up?"-that was Kaoru.

"If he wakes up."- that was Hikaru.

Kyoya didn't fully understand. He _was _awake. Why didn't they see he was awake? They must be more moronic than he originally thought. He was going to have to get the doctors in his father's hospital to find a cure for this stupidity or he would never get through high school.

There was a few wails and cries and racked sobs- Tamaki, no doubt. He was always one to blubber about nonsense.

"Senpai, he'll be okay." Haruhi. "Hikaru! Why would you say something like that to him in this situation?"

"What? Its the truth. We shouldn't lie to him; he really might never wake up!"

"What? Kyo-chan might stay asleep forever?" Hunny.

Kyoya almost smirked, but decided to keep his expression neutral. He knew he slept a lot and was a demon before breakfast, but surely claiming that he could stay asleep _forever_ was a little far fetched. Hunny was always one to go over the top though. He had no comment on Hikaru's obvious stupidity.

Then, all of a sudden, it hit him why everything was black and why they were under the impression that he was asleep. His eyes were _closed._ Funny, he usually would've noted the obvious immediately. Maybe Tamaki had him drugged again. Yes, now that that was mentioned, he did feel ever so slightly high.

He opened his eyes, hearing the gasps of those all around him.

The main word here being _hearing, _not _seeing._

Kyoya Ootori had gone _blind._

_-x-_

"Kyoya Kyoya, how could this happen to you!" Tamaki wailed, clutching on to Kyoya's unresponsive shoulders. "_You can't see? _What is this madness?"

"It's called being blind, idiot," Hikaru commented wryly again, as Kyoya scowled, not appreciating comments like that in his time of need.

Suddenly, all the chatter and worried blabber stopped and the room grew untimely cold. Kyoya heard all the nurses grind to a halt, stopping what they were doing to stare and be silent for the person that had just entered. He felt Tamaki's hands drop from his shoulders, though he was grateful, but worried. Hikaru had stopped his laugh a minute comments and no one else was making a sound. Kyoya began to really wish he could see the person who had just walked in, so he knew why everyone was so silent and-

"Son," Mr. Ootori said in a monotone, "Why would you choose now of all times to do this?"

-x-

_(The day before)_

"Father," Kyoya said, opening the door to the study, "You said you wished to see me?"

His father turned around in the chair, swiveling it and somehow pretending that he didn't get any delight in doing so. "You are to be married within a few weeks. I have picked out a lovely girl and you are to meet her tonight. She will be your wife and you will bear children with her. That is an order." he turned back around. "You are to do this if you wish to obtain the company."

"Of course, Father," Kyoya replied, bowing graciously and dismissing himself from the room to go get ready for meeting his future spouse.

One suit, combed back hair and his fancy only for good occasions glasses later, Kyoya was good and ready to go, Fuyumi cooing in delight the entire time. He ignored her and stepped into his car to go on his journey to his impending doom.

It was raining, the news said, though Kyoya had no memory of the weather, and the limo driver was intoxicated. He veered and swerved all over the wrong side of the road and crashed. The seat belt saved Kyoya's life, but he happened to bash his face off the window, therefore smashing his glasses and allowing the broken glass to conveniently pierce his eyes. He had blacked out and the driver had been sobered up enough and alive enough to call an ambulance.

And that it how Kyoya Ootori, the shadow king, the low blood pressure demon lord, became unable to see.

-x-

"Mr. Ootori," the very recognizable woman from episode twenty-five to twenty-six, whom we all love to hate, said, turning to face the older gentleman behind her. "What are you doing here?"

The man hung his head in apology. "There has been an accident," he told her.

"Really?" she replied, "well, if your son is involved he better be okay," she flipped her hair, "I don't want damaged goods."

"He's okay, but he has lost his sight," Mr. Ootori continued.

Éclair flinched and then scowled horribly at the man. "Then he's damaged!" she complained, "I'm not marrying him!"

"Then who will?"

The ex fiancée of Tamaki Suoh grinned sadistically. "Oh, I can sort this out quite easily."

-x-

Kyoya fidgeted with his shirt collar, hoping that the outfit he allowed Fuyumi and the twins to dress him in wasn't _too_ horrendous. He really didn't want to look back on his wedding photographs- presuming he would ever see again- and seeing some hideous assemble that no one- but the twins and Fuyumi, obviously- would ever like, let alone _wear._

Luckily for him, it wasn't too bad. It was tweed- okay, enough said, I lied in my first statement.

The music started up. He heard Hikaru begin the sing the crude version of the tune before Kaoru obviously elbowed him to shut him up. God, if he could see the guest list, he would've crossed their names off. Okay, maybe not Kaoru's. He liked Kaoru. But definitely Hikaru. But then Kaoru probably wouldn't have come. And that would be sort of sad. So...this train of thought is meaningless.

There was stunned silence as the bride made her way down the church. Kyoya smiled, guessing that she was now beside him and the priest began to speak. No one spoke, but that wasn't unusual considering they were in a church. Or were they? Maybe they were just in one of those register places people get married for the second time in. He didn't know. He couldn't see.

"And yadda yadda yadda-" looks like they got Elvis in. He was doing that 'uh huh huh' thing- "Do you take each other in marriage, fellow hound dogs?"

"I do," Kyoya stated. He presumed that the woman had nodded, for she never said a word and the Elvis impersonator continued.

"You may now kiss the bride!" he yelled, and Kyoya felt confetti fall all around him. He leaned in, hoping his bride, scratch that, _wife, _would direct him to her.

She didn't. He fell flat on his face to the sound of the twins hollering abuse over the marching band.

-x-

Mr. Ootori looked at Éclair in amusement. "Miss, how did you even think of this?"

She threw back her head and laughed as Kyoya crashed to the floor in front of his new wife. "I read too much as a child. My imagination is incredibly vivid, especially when I have to get out of sticky situations," she told him.

"Vivid indeed," he mused, watching Tamaki help his son down the aisle, before calling out to the fourth child. "Son! You have school tomorrow, so no honeymoon for you two love birds, okay?"

Kyoya turned to him- well, actually it was the opposite direction- and nodded, allowing Tamaki to lead him to the bicycle- yes, he refused to take limos anymore. Because being blind and riding a bicycle was so much more safe.

"Well, he'll realize soon enough," the older man sighed, "He's going to notice that something is wrong."

-x-

Kyoya Ootori knew something was dreadfully wrong. His newly acquired wife had never spoke once since entering the Ootori household. His sister, nor the maids or the twins who'd annoy her relentlessly- God knows how they'd figured out where he lived- just for the fun of it heard her speak either.

She was just as dumb as he was blind, he noted.

"So," he asked one day, presuming she was with him and not in the other room, "Can you talk?"

He received no response.

"Ah, so that explains it. You can't."

Some marriage this was going to turn out to be.

-x-

Kyoya opened his eyes, thanking God with all his might that the doctor's procedures had worked, considering him being only a mere test subject and all.

The doctors in his families' hospital had found a cure for blindness. Of course, Kyoya was first in line to try the new and improved laser eye surgery, even though his father had been strictly against it. Kyoya presumed it was because he didn't want him hurt if the procedure went wrong, but for once the shadow king ignored his father's wishes.

He could see, perfectly, taking in all the colours that had been out of his reach for such a long three months. The doctors called his speedy recovery- a mere three minutes- after surgery a miracle. He left the opticians a new man, looking for his wife.

He really hoped she wasn't ugly. He wasn't one for appearances, he wasn't superficial, but he didn't want her to be too unattractive, considering she couldn't talk and everything.

"Dear?"

It then occurred to him that he was never told her name; he was just to call her dear. He had been so preoccupied with his blindness before he had never thought to ask who she was, what age she was or what she looked like.

He walked into the kitchen. Fuyumi was sitting there, drinking tea; a tea pot was perched on the chair beside her. She smiled. "The surgery went well, I presume," she chirped, "Your lovely wife here made me tea! She's so charming. It's a pity she can't speak."

Kyoya looked all around, and no sign of anyone who looked to be his wife. "Where is she?" he asked her, bemused.

Fuyumi waved at the tea pot.

There was silence.

"That is a tea pot."

"I know. Isn't she beautiful," Fuyumi cooed.

"I-I married a _tea pot_?" Kyoya choked.

Fuyumi nodded. "And a lovely one at that!"

There was more silence.

"D-dear," Kyoya stated, tilting his glasses that he no longer needed because of the laser eye surgery, "I would like a _divorce_."

The End.

-x-

The End.

Hikaru finished typing, tilting back on his chair in delight at his masterpiece. "I think it could sell Kaoru," he laughed at his shocked brother, "What do you think? Is it good? You told me it would make a good book, that I could be an _author_, so huh?"

"Hikaru," Kaoru started, "_How_ did you write this?"

"Yeah! I'm that awesome!"

"No Hikaru! Its in English! You don't _speak_ English!"

**It was truly a miracle.**


End file.
